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29 June 2007

Have You Ever Received a Knife in the Mail From an Airport?

Posted by Darrell under: Rantings Of An Outdoorsman .

I have! In fact, a few days ago, I received my trusty old Buck 110 knife directly from the Juneau Alaska airport. Here is the story:

As Caleb and I were going through the security checkpoint at the Junea Alaska airport in preperation for our return from a successful bear hunt I noticed the TSA agent that was monitoring the carry-on luggage x-ray start to get excited. He called a couple other agents over and they all began talking excitedly. Since I had already went through the checkpoint and was waiting for my carryon, I got a little excited too. What was going on?

One of the female agents pulled my son’s backpack and asked who it belonged to. My son fearfully said it was his. She told him she would need to search it and asked him to stand aside and watch. I can assure you both of us were watching closely. My son is only 12 years old, but he is normally very responsible. I had asked him while we were still in the hotel if he had went through his backpack and made sure anything that can’t be carried on was packed in his suitcase. He assured me that he had and everyhting was OK. Like a true idiot I just trusted him on this issue. Not a smart move on my part.

As this agent was vigorously searching Caleb’s backpack I began having flashbacks to the time immediately after 911. I flew alot back then, for work, and it became a harrowing experience. For some reason (probably because I was flying overseas often) I must have been flagged in the system because everytime (and I do mean everytime) I went through a security check I was pulled aside and physically harrassed. I would be searched, stripped, and searched again. I felt violated everytime I would attempt to fly somewhere and literally began to hate the entire process. Fortunately, that hatred of the airline industry helped lead my company to where it is today (but that is another story all together).

The worse experience I ever had, though, still haunts me to this day. I had been pulled to the side and told to remove various items of clothing, including my belt, my socks, my outer shirt, and my shoes - which had been placed in some machine that checks for bombs. Meanwhile, I was told to leave all of my other stuff on an unattended table. This other stuff included my watch, my wallet, my computer case, and my laptop.

As I was being interrogated by an over zealous TSA agent I happened to notice a couple middle eastern looking women pillaging through my computer bag and messing with my laptop. I started yelling for them to put down my stuff (they were about 30-40 feet away) and the unfriendly TSA agent decided to get really unfriendly.  I proceeded to tell him that while he was busy harrasing me, a couple of middle-eastern looking people were going through my stuff.

Instead of doing something about my stuff, this moron called for backup (to restrain me!). I was not successful at holding my temper in check and proceeded to tell all of these agents what I thought of them and to demand they rescue my personal items from the middle easterners who were at this very moment pillageing them. Making any reference to ‘middle easterners’ shortly after 9/11 was a really bad idea and just seemed to further enrage the TSA agents.

I was threatened repeatedly with arrest, forcibly detained from approaching my personal items, and to be honest I’m just glad I wasn’t hauled away over the whole event. The only good thing that came from this spectacle was that the women that were going through my stuff decided to flea (and thankfully without my stuff). The TSA agents and airport security never did a thing about it. They simply didn’t care and bluntly informed me that I’d better just be glad that I wasn’t being hauled off to jail - which I was (thankful that is - not hauled off to jail). I still don’t know why those women were going through all my stuff or why I was searched everytime I had to fly somewhere.

So this was  all playing out in my mind as I watched the TSA agent dig through Caleb’s backpack. Its been a while since I was physically harrased at an airport and I certainly had no desire to return to the ‘good ole days’. Well, after a couple minutes of vigorous searching the TSA agent pulled a large bottle of sunscreen from his backpack. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I mean, surely, they wouldn’t arrest me because my son had sunscreen in his back pack, would they?

I then made what I felt to be the appropriate comment to Caleb “Son, son, you aren’t supposed to take any liquids on board the plane” and then to the TSA agent “I’m sorry, I should have checked his bag - he just forgot about the liquids thing” and mistakenly thought the whole thing would end there.  I was wrong.

“You are correct. That is a controlled substance and is prohibited from being taken on the airplane, but that is not what I’m searching for” she informed me. I looked at Caleb with alarm. What could he possibly have in there that would be creating such a fuss? I soon found out.

I watched in horror as the agent carefully extracted a Buck 110 lockback knife (in sheath) from the depths of Caleb’s pack. “I’ve got it” she shouted triumphantly and as all the other agents zoned in. At about this time, Caleb commented, equally loud “Hey dad, look, its your knife!”

As you can imagine, my heart was beating really fast. I had prior experience with this agency and ‘reasonableness’ wasn’t one of their strengths. I began to wonder what prison would be like in Alaska - or would they transfer me somewhere less peaceful?

The agent that found the knife called for a supervisor. “There has to be report written about this” she informed me. The supervisor arrived and looked at me and then Caleb. He asked what was going on. The agent told him she’d found this large knife in Caleb’s pack and that the knife apparently belonged to me. He looked at me with his eyebrows arched at which point I quickly explained that Caleb had just forgotten that it was in his backpack, etc, etc.

“Fine, fine but you can’t take it with you on the plane. Sorry” he said as he walked away. Whew, I was relieved to not be going to jail! However, I wasn’t too happy about losing the knife I’d had since I was Caleb’s age! I commented on this to Caleb and the TSA agent that had searched his bag heard me. “Sir, you are welcome to take this bag down to the desk and have it put in your checked luggage” she kindly told me.

I didn’t have time. Our plane was already boarding and the doors would close at any moment. I told her so. “If you would like to pay $7, I’ll be happy to ship it to you” she then informed me. What? You’ll ship my knife to me. I won’t lose it and forever be able to hold it over my son’s head.

She proceeded to take me to a small cubicle where she placed the knife in a plastic bag. Then she had me fill out an address label from security-shipping.com (to myself) and place $7 in the bag with the label. I didn’t have anything smaller than a $10, but I gladly put it in the bag.

I did have my doubts about ever seeing that particular knife again. My doubts turned out to be unfounded. I received the knife in the mail almost exactly a week later. I didn’t receive any change, but I didn’t expect any - nor do I really care. I have the knife I’ve owned for more than 20 years and I’m not locked away in an Alaskan jail.

I learned a couple valuable lessons from this:

1. Always check your kids carry on luggage
2. Always carry $7 with you in the airport
3. If something you care about is confiscated - ask if there is a provision for shipping it back to you
4. Nothing takes the attention away from a bottle of sunscreen like a large knife!

I’d like to thank the Juneau Airport and security-shipping.com for returning my knife and the TSA agents in Juneau Alaska for being real people and not throwing me in jail. Thank You.

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